Cheshbon Hanefesh: A Jewish Accounting No One Asked For
Maybe it’s time to ask, once and for all, whether we’re doing enough with our gifts and blessings. It’s become taboo to even suggest we’re not.
(“Cheshbon Hanefesh” by Stella Stillwell)
Here’s a longish preface, because my sense is it’s definitely going to be needed. This one’s going to sting, and it’ll for sure draw some reflexive pushback.
(Deep breath. Okay.)
The first thing I need to say is that this isn’t an attack on Israel or on Jews. I’m even proud-ish to be one of them sometimes.
It’s also not an act of self-hatred or some leftist tantrum.
I’m pro-Israel overall, pro-Jews, pro-reality.
To be direct: I fully reject accusations of colonialism, genocide, apartheid.
That said, I’m no huge fan of Likud or aggressive settler religious Zionism in the West Bank. I’m aligned with left leaning Israelis.
Don’t try to lump this into the larger polemic du jour; this isn’t me siding with the usual critics of Israel or Zionism. I think the majority of leftist academia is way off, as are most of the strident right-wing apologists.
This piece isn’t penance, performative bullshit, or politics, and shame on anyone who suggests otherwise. It’s cheshbon hanefesh, an accounting of the soul, applied to power. Not state or Western power, but something bigger and longer-standing.
It’s a continuation of a very old Jewish habit: arguing with ourselves when the world won’t do it honestly with us.
Our strength has never been that we all agree with each other. It’s been the courage to keep it real, because we can’t help it, and it’s fun.
The word Israel roughly means “wrestle with God.” We make good arguments, and when we’re at our best (in my opinion), we make true arguments that take guts to engage with, because the stuff it uncovers can be hard to integrate with our lives. It forces us to either grow or become hypocrites.
Those are the moments that make me love being Jewish.
(It’s actually the part I like most.)
What follows isn’t about blame. It’s about responsibility, and the difference between being chosen and being entitled.
We’ve spent forever surviving other people’s bullshit accusations about our character and motives. I’m not agreeing with them. This has nothing to do with that stuff.
And if any of this sounds traitorous, read it the way a yeshiva student reads a line of Talmud: take it as a collegial challenge.
Debate me, tear me apart, but don’t pretend it isn’t worth arguing.
Don’t deflect cheaply. You can’t fool me that way. You can’t bullshit a bullshitter.
If you come at me, you better bring your A game. And if you don’t have one, sit this one out. No shame in that.
Okay. Onto the issue at hand. Here’s the context:
I recently saw a Substack note by a fellow Jew asking, “When was the last time you remember a Jew beheading someone or blowing themselves up in public, etc.”
It named a bunch of things Jews don’t do, things normally associated with Islamists.
We’ve seen versions of this idea before. It’s not just an innocent observation. It insinuates superiority with a smirk, specifically, the idea that Jews don’t do those things because we’re just… better. That our nature is cleaner. That we’re inherently more civilized.
And then we call it a closed case.
But that’s the exact move I’m calling out: the fact that we stop short.
We point to barbarism in others and forget to finish the thought.
Anyone with the nerve to call themselves a “chosen people” better damn well finish that thought. And it’s this:
Jews don’t do that stuff because we’ve had the cultural, circumstantial, and yes, even genetic luck never to be forced to think that suicide bombings, public beheadings, child shields, and mob executions were our only option.
Luck that we haven’t lived inside that full stack of collapse all at once: humiliation, trauma, poverty, cultural isolation, cult-like indoctrination, mental fragmentation, with no modern education, no tools, and no reasonable exit.
In fact, let’s dig a little deeper into one of the facets we’re not really supposed to talk about. (Clench up.)
We are, on average, born into higher IQs and wealthier families. (Especially now. And when we were temporarily poor due to discrimination or displacement, we were efficiently clawing our way back to the top without missing a beat.)
That doesn’t mean other groups are uniquely savage. Most humans never commit the kinds of atrocities I’m referencing.
But when people do resort to that level of chaos, it usually reflects extreme conditions: poverty, trauma, lack of structure, not just ideology.
And the truth is, Jews haven’t had to endure those conditions lately. That’s not virtue. That’s luck.
When we’re not in the fire, we shouldn’t confuse being cool-headed with being morally superior.
The genetically higher IQ part? That’s a serious factor.
Look it up. Sue me for saying the truth. Psychometric data adjusted for upbringing and environment.
IQ has a massive correlation with success, even correcting for environment.
If you want to reject that, fine. But, again, bring your A-game. I’m not wasting ink on lazy rebuttals. Go research IQ spread between average Ashkenazi Jews and average Gazans. (It’s like 30 points on average.) I’m not here to insist on what that MEANS concerning the conflict, just that it’s delusion to think it means nothing, and weak to refuse mentioning it.
Let’s be honest: we don’t do those chaotic, ghoulish things, not because we’re better, but because we’re safer, richer, freer, and genetically WAY smarter. Our field of worldly reality is bigger, and we navigate that reality in a nimbler fashion, with higher processing speed.
Fine. So what do we do with this embarrassment of riches, this barrage of modern-day blessings? Do we build the lifeboat bigger? Do we throw rope to the ones still drowning? Yes, to a degree.
But I’ve noticed that we like to change the subject before defining EXACTLY what degree, and whether it’s enough, according to our own stated moral intuitions and traditions as a tribe.
Yes, we have tikkun olam, repairing the world. And yes, many Jews do beautiful work in that spirit, building hospitals, championing justice, showing up for the less fortunate. More pound for pound than most other groups, maybe all.
But if we’re honest, that energy often gets concentrated in the hands of the few, while the rest of us cash in on the glow. We point to the helpers like they represent all of us.
I mean, how many times do we have to hear some uncle go on about Jonas Salk, Einstein, the Nobel laureates. The artists, the musicians, the world-shapers. It’s a standard refrain every fucking time this topic comes up, like name-dropping our intellectual royalty gets us off the hook.
And then what? We go back to talking about property taxes, business class upgrades, college admissions, the market.
And sure, there’s cultural generosity baked into our identity. But are affluent Jews, on average, more generous than affluent gentiles? I don’t see it.
I see smart, kind, well-insulated people who mostly reinvest in their own families, their own communities, their own legacy.
And given the scale of our gifts, the insulation, the networks, the IQ, the head start, I think people sense that.
It breeds resentment. Not always fair. But not random either.
Just pointing to the fact that we traditionally exhibit more “civilized” forms of crime doesn’t get to the root of the problem.
Back us in a corner, we’d get as rabid as anyone else. I certainly would.
If I could, I’d just do it with smart bombs and exploding pagers, from behind domes, not just because I’m so damn righteous, but because I fucking can.
So where does this leave us?
Well, I think we Jews need to 1) be more honest about our natural advantages and 2) not be surprised when people give us the evil eye when we don’t dedicate our lives to lifting up those who don’t have as many natural advantages.
Now, for a little background:
I grew up in an affluent Jewish neighborhood. The dumbest person in my friend group got an 1100 SAT without prep. Most of us did way better.
SAT is not an IQ test. Culture plays into it, sure, but there’s a strong correlation between IQ and SAT, which is why high-IQ societies accept SAT scores.
Pretty much every last one of my friends from back then is now rich and sheltered. Top 1%ers.
This wasn’t all hard work, virtue, and upbringing. I watched people coast. Skip class. Burn time (and plenty of weed), still land in the top 1%. Connections, baseline smarts, cultural polish, it carried them like a gust of wind. It carries most of us.
Seems society is just structured to reward our brains and personality.
Something like 99% of us went on to pursue law, banking, medicine or private equity of some kind, and to secure a mini fiefdom of luxury. We then scribble off annual checks to JUF.
The more religious Jews spend oceans of time studying Torah and praying while the world burns. Not that there’s anything wrong with spiritual discipline, it’s their right, and perhaps it throws off benefits to humanity in ways that are hard to see or talk about, but we can’t realistically expect the world to call it real, concrete, Jewish contribution.
Are we a light unto the nation? Really? This is why we’re the chosen people? Chosen for what, exactly? To survive, win, and pray, while a few Jewish outliers punch above their weight class?
When pushed, we publicly attribute our blessings to tradition, virtue, effort, and throw in how WE sweep the Nobel prize list, cured polio and invented Hollywood. We also add that the very question has a whiff of antisemitism.
Maybe sometimes it does. Especially when it starts to imply that we need to apologize for being what we are.
When discussing family business, we Jews behind closed doors tend to agree that allowing ANY double standard aimed our way is ignorant and suicidal.
We warn ourselves that double standards are always unfair, and that if we soften on this point, that’s how we get pogroms and Holocausts.
But we Jews also generally believe Spider-Man’s Uncle Ben when he says, “With great power comes great responsibility.” (Stan Lee, who wrote that line, was Jewish.)
So let’s review.
We have the chutzpah to call ourselves the chosen people, a light unto the nations, then lazily point to civility and achievements as proof?
Gotta call bullshit on that: Civility when in power is not proof. Civility is a luxury that some can’t afford. Being calm, cool, collected and non-violent is how non-desperate people act. Put humans on a lifeboat, things get primal fast. Jews are no exception, and we know it.
So what now?
I’m not saying every Jew has to go into public sector work or forego the millions that we seem to get with slightly less effort while so many struggle to varying degrees.
But we need to do better, or we can expect the same resentment for the rest of time. I’m not saying the resentment is fair or reasonable. I’m just saying it’s unsurprising that it’s there, and it’s going to stay there if we keep acting this way. That’s the tradeoff.
Here’s a thought: maybe stop pressuring our sons and daughters to make so much damn money. Give them permission to take another path. Use some of that God-given cleverness to solve poverty, crime, disease, or sustainability issues.
And stop bragging that Jewish frustration doesn’t express itself through base violence. Not sure that’s even news. You know what would be news? Getting a little more honest about WHY that’s the case: we have the luxury to be less rabid in the way we communicate our dissatisfaction.
I know I’ll get accused of speech that feels vaguely eugenicist, someone will angrily remind me that Hitler did the same kind of talking.
But that comparison won’t shut me up, because it’s a weak, lazy deflection, and I’m not afraid of you.
It’s obvious to everyone I’m not like Hitler or a eugenicist. It’s clear what my ask is: more of us Jews need to be less shallow and materialistic if we want people to like us.
There is a double standard given our factually outsized gifts, which are not merely “choices.”
They are not there from virtue alone.
They are in many cases like spots on a leopard.
How they got there is another story. My focus today is simply that they are there.
Now, you can refute my claims, but if you go that route, do it clean. If you can improve my framing, do it now. I’m not looking to flagellate us, I just want us to talk a little more about being the stewards we claim we are meant to be.
Ground rules for debate: define terms, cite data, separate descriptive from normative, disclose value tradeoffs. Seriously, no cheap deflections. Save your breath.
If you think I’m providing fuel for bigots, say why and propose a stronger frame that guards better against that. That’s how adults argue, and nothing could be more human.
Lastly, you don’t have to be a Jew to be part of this conversation. We’re a human family first. That’s the only tribe big enough to matter.
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